I HATE raw vegetables!!

It hasn't always been like this. I loved going to parties and having veggies and dip. In fact, I usually went back for a second helping. After all, it was healthy. But now I am doing Slim 4 Life and everything has changed. For the first 3 days you can have "all the meat and raw veggies you want!!" Salads, salads, salads. Then when you start your plan you can have 1 cup of raw or 1/2 cup cooked veggies. Ok, still sounds doable. Then the hunger sets in. I want food!! REAL food. I want pizza and chocolate cake. I want a glass of wine. i want something that doesn't start out powdered. But I have lost almost 8 pounds and my precious daughter, Heather, says she can see it or not see it, more correctly. I want a waist almost as much as I want pasta...maybe more...no definitely more. I want to wear jeans that actually fit and are not 2 sizes too big to accomodate my lack of waist.

I actually had a saleslady helping me with jeans and I said "AAARRgg, I just don't have a waist!" She said, "Oh honey, you have a waist, you just don't have any hips to go along with it." I think she was trying to be nice or at least that's what I choose to think.

I was with my mother, who had NO tact at all, as I was trying on jeans. What was I thinking? I found this adorable pair of jeans that were made out of this patchwork denim and I WANTED THEM! I tried on 2 different sizes (there is a size beyond which I will not go) and neither fit. I said under my breath, "Why can't I ever find jeans that fit?" My mother, who pretended to be hard of hearing most of the time, suddenly said in a voice that is reserved only for a daughter, and about 100 decibels louder than necessary, "Well, you're just fat, that's all. You're just fat!" She said it twice to be sure everyone heard her. I weighed in at a whopping 130 lbs.

Given the fact that all the females in our family carry their weight just under their boobs, she had a lot of room to talk or more correctly, EXCLAIM, anything. She was a little round, mean, midget (only 5 feet tall, not really a midget unless you are speaking emotionally). I suppose other daughters have mothers who get to them but mine was a master. But that's another post for another time. I love you Heather! Don't let me get mean.

You just cannot be serious!

So my daughter brought this whole thong-thing to my attention in her blog, Mindless Junque. C an you even believe that anyone would go on national TV with thong in hand to say that some part of it had actually poked her in the eye? And that she was going to sue victoria's Secret. I know this has nothing to do with being a teacher but it is just to good to let it go by without at least talking about it. She says that something popped off it when she was putting it on. My question is "Just how tight did she have to pull it to get anything to pop off?

My next question is, "How could that dilbert lawyer keep a straight face?" and "Do you suppose he had ever even seen a thong before?' This would be great fodder for hysteria in a real teachers' lounge. Unbelieveable.

My Guys

This is for all the wonderful, special men in my life. First, I want to say to the father of my children, Chris, thank you. Thank you for the extraordinary, beautiful children you helped me create. They are anchors for their very special families. Next, to my new husband, Dennis, I would say Happy Father's Day just in case your own children are too busy with their own lives to remind you of how interesting and significant you made their childhoods. I wonder if your daughter knows that your favorite picture sits on our piano...the one of you and her dancing, looking into each other's eyes at her wedding. I wonder if she knows how she hurts you when she ignores your special days.

Next, I want to say Happy First Father's day to my son, Brandon. We are all excited for not only your adoption of Haylie, but for the upcoming brand new addition to our growing little family. We are, of course, rooting for a boy but mostly we are cheering for the fabulous father you will be and already are to Haylie. You are a warm, caring, interesting, and sensitive individual and I can't wait to hold that new baby. Haylie is already a total joy and will be such a fun big sister!

Last, but never least, to my son-in-love, Paul, Heather's husband. Thank you for making my daughter a mother. She has always wanted to be just that. You have supported her in everything she has ever wanted to do. You are the spiritual head of your household and I love you for that. Your children are so beautiful and will be lovely wives to their husbands. You and Heather have set an example of what a hardworking, Christian household should look like. Paul, you have been unfailing in your love for my daughter and your babies. I could not ask for a more perfect partner for Heather. I hope your Father's Day is very special, indeed. I love you.

Happy Father's Day everybody!

Ya' Never Know What They're Thinking!

One day a million years ago when I first started teaching, ladies were required to wear stockings if they wore a dress. And that was rough because I taught in a K-3 school in south Lousiana. This particular school had no air-conditioning and a flat asphalt roof. It was in a very, very low socio-economic rural area. The roads were made of shell dust and the school was full to capacity and over-flowing.

This particular day I had on a dress...and the obligatory stocking. As I sat in my rocking chair reading a story with the children sitting on the floor around my feet, I happened to look down and see a little boy with huge tears running down his face. I asked what had happened and nobody seemed to have an answer. So I gathered the little guy up into my arms and quietly asked what was wrong. Between sobs he said, " You have a hole and your leg is leaking out." I looked down and sure enough..I had a hole in my stocking with a run that ran the length of my leg all the way down to my ankle. I guess to a little fellow who may never have seen his mom with stockings on it actually did look like my leg was leaking.

I love this profession!!!

Sometimes there's just nothing more to say!

One day I was eating lunch in the teachers' lounge and one of the second grade teachers walked in. She was laughing so hard she almost couldn't tell her story. Let me preface the story by reminding those of you who do not have ,can't remember having, can't remember being, or just never want to know, a second grade girl , they are usually 8 years old thereabouts and thing they are all "Miss Thang". They quarrel, tattle, and sometimes actually fight, though not often. The fighting, that is. The rest is just a way of life for them. On this particular day as the teacher was walking the class to the lunchroom, one little girl had had just about enough of another young lady. She had tried to tell her nicely to BACK OFF but in true second grade form, the latter was not quite finished discussing the first little girl's heritage. So.....The first little girl finally rounded on the other and said, " Listen, you better just talk to my butt because my face ain't listenin' any more!"

The teacher took the path of least resistance and ran into the bathroom. Now, this is considered the coward's way out but when all else fails, and you know you never will be able to handle the situation in a coherent manner, much less with any sort of authority, the bathroom is the next best option. Besides, it is quiet, private, and no one can pull on your arm repeating your name over and over like little shards of glass driving into your temple. And sometimes, teachers even go into the bathroom and leave the light off for just a little while.......... There should definitely be more staff restrooms in schools for the good of all concerned.

Seriously?

When teachers introduce a new idea or theme we do a KWL chart. The K stands for "what we know" about the subject, the W stands for "what we want to know" and the L is used later and it is for when we discuss "what we learned". Of course, if you are a mom or a teacher you know how very literal small children (and sometimes husbands) are. So one morning we began a study of what a map is. We were discussing what a continent was and how it was different from a country. Second graders still think that Colorado is a country and the Atlantic Ocean could very well be a state. My objective was for the kids to become more familiar with the world map.

We had filled in the chart in the "what we already Know" and it was a very short list. After a long involved lesson that even ended with a little contest to see who could name the 7 continents, a look at the map, a look at a globe, coloring each of the 7 continents on our maps a different color, it was time to fill in the column on the KWL chart labeled "What we want to know". And to their credit, there were some interesting questions to add to tomorrow's discussion. "So what else would you like to know?" I innocently asked. A little boy in the back of the room raised his hand and said,"What I want to know is how they get those big screen TVs into their houses? Do you think they shove them in the window or what?"

Another "run out of the room" moment in a teacher's life. But this time not to laugh but to sob on a colleague's shoulder. But I took a deep breath. I HAD asked what they wanted to know. I had NOT qualified it with "about maps". Just another time that I had not been quite as literal as they were. I was careful to be more specific the next time.

Summer School Activites

Ok...here's some ideas to keep skills sharp during the summer. Go to the library. Go buy new books. For math, just Google "free math worksheets" and pick any one and then pick another one!! Play math facts BINGO. My kids at school just started playing multiplication BINGO getting ready for 3rd grade. They think they are really "all that". I just give them a blank BINGO card and tell them to write numbers like 16, 24,8, 27 etc. Then I just say 2x8 and they cover 16 (hopefully). Check out some homeschooling sites. Sometimes they have new and unusual games and activities. Do fun word problems like "how many legs do 2 chickens, 4 cows, 2 flamingos and 3 boys have?" Kids love to think up these and see if they can stump you. My number 1 suggestion is TURN OFF THE TELEVISION! Buy blank books or make them yourself and think up fun writing prompts like "if you woke up tomorrow and you were invisible what would you do and where would you go?" There are sites like schoolexpress.com where you can make your own words searches. Read poetry together. You read a line, child reads a line and then read a line together. This builds fluency. Don't slow your rate of reading down to fit your child. Make your child strive to read like you do. Plant seeds and when they sprout, write how they change every day. Use words and pictures. Get other kids in the neighborhood writing, also. Make books together and then once or twice a week have a writers' party. Girls love to have a tea but they must bring some writing to read or even their favorite poem. Let your kids play with learning over the summer. I could go on and on but the internet is a great source for all kinds of activities. Just google a subject and the add the words"lesson plans" and the whole screen will light up. I would suggest having a set time and place each week for you activities so your kids will feel like they are doing something you think is important.

When it's 100 degrees outside.......

I have had a request for some summertime indoor craft ideas! I am sure there are lots of folks out there that are either parents or teachers who could come up with ideas or even sites for ideas! Of course, as a teacher, I would recommend lots of reading activities. There is a site called schoolexpress.com where you can make your own word finds and they publish a newsletter in which they offer lots of activity worksheets on different themes. There are new free ones every week. As far as crafts are concerned try a site called makingfriends.com. I have not been there in a while but if it is still there, they have a huge library of fun things to make and do. They even have paper dolls and clothes for them. zoomschool.com has fun things to do, also. Let me think about this and I will bring some books home from school and write some more ideas. If anybody has any good ideas, please post them!!

The wolf Gets a Character Reference

A colleague told this story about storytime in Kindergarten. She had all the children around her for the story of the Three Little Pigs. She went through the wolf blowing down the first 2 pigs houses only in her version, the wolf ate the first 2 pigs. When she got to the huffing and puffing part of the 3rd little pig's house one little boy who had been sitting quietly for this whole time suddenly said, "Well, that son of a bitch!" just matter of factly. Another of those "run out of the room" moments. However, to her credit, she was able to finish the story. Funnier still is that not a single child reacted to the little guy's exclamation. Being a teacher is just full of those "surprise" moments that you really are not sure what to do with as they have never happened before and probably will never happen again. I ought to write a book......

p.s. Today was my last day of school for the year!

Doing the Splits

I have taught a 1/2 split but 4/5 is a different animal. But I have a great resource. My neighbor across the street teaches a 4/5 split and loves it. Let's see if we can get her on here. Hang on! Help is on the way!

Well teachers....Karen has thrown down the gaunlet...let the games begin! She need some suggestions. I have taught S.S. with that age before and it is a tricky situation. Have you tried having something that they can work to earn like....an ice cream sunday party? My kids have pictures of gumball machines and they have to get 25 gumball stickers their own pack of gum. Of course, they are 3rd graders. We also try to earn compliments from other teachers. If we get 25 compliments we have a rootbeer float party. Ask various people to drop in to your class. If your kids are quiet, they get a compliment. Keep track and have them work towards pizza or ice cream or whatever they want. Let them choose what they work towards. That's even better. Then be sure you ask people to try to catch them being quiet. I will be interested to see if it works.

Ok teachers out there. Let's help Karen.

What does an alligator have to do with it?

I have taught in a lot of places and taught many different ages. But one of the most fun places ws in our church preschool. We attended a large church just outside of Dallas in Plano, Texas. I taught the 3 year olds. We had a small room with an even smaller bathroom. So before we went outside every day, we all took turns in the bathroom. A little girl named Lisa went first. She didn't close the door all the way because, let's face it, getting your pants down when you are 3 is enough of an adventure! So when Timmy came up to stand by the door to take his turn, he glanced in, turned to me and said,"Lisa's a gril (yes, spelled phonetically) isn't she." "Yes", I said. "You want to know how I know?" "NO!" I thought to myself but said, "yes", like the teacher I am. "Well," he said, "I can tell because a alligator has bitten her penis off." So there it was. The answer to that all important question of just how DID God make girls. It is in times like that that all teachers are challenged not only to keep a straight face but to provide some sort of intelligent comment as to the true depth of the child's knowledge and affirm his information. I could do neither. I did, however, with great glee, confront Timmy's dad with this fact that was a new revelation to me. We laughed till we cried. Every time I saw him in church after that I just smiled and nodded. I would love to see Timmy today. He would be about 29. I would love to tell him that story!

If you are a teacher, I have a question. How many times have you sat in the lounge with your colleagues and shared a really funny thing that happened? Then you went on to say, "You know, we should write a book!" I think all teachers say that at one point or another. I think it would be fun for us to share those funny things with each other here. I'll go first. The other day I was having the kids make a lists in their writer's notebooks. I wanted them to make a list of their pet peeves. So....I did this whole lesson and discussion on what a pet peeve was and shared some of my own. I asked if anyone had questions and there were none. I turned on the music and sat down at my desk to write in my own notebook. Everyone got busy. However, when I looked up, one little guy was not writing at all. I went over and whispered, "What's up? Need some help?" "Well", he said, "I don't have anything to write. We don't have any pet peeves. All we have is dogs." Maybe that is only funny to a teacher but I thought is was pretty cute at the time. Of course, there are millions more that happen every day in every classroom. What a wonderful job we have!